Existentialist Thoughts II

This may sound a bit repetitive with respect to my last post, but it is worth noting. Also, I like to write these journal entries as a sort of reminisce to the infamous journals we kept in Ms. Brey freshman and sophomore year. Speaking of Ms. Brey, at the Homecoming Dance, I was speaking to her. We talked about the usual unusual things we talk about, but I would expect nothing less when speaking to one of my past mentors. I asked her what I should do regarding a teacher, and she replied that there is nothing to do. I can fight and try to change him, but I cannot control how he is. After a person has an idea, it can be hard to change his/her standpoints, if not impossible. This may sound like ignorance, but only so if moderation is not introduced. The main point that she was saying, however, is that I am not always in control of others, but I am always in control of myself and myself alone. I must be able to adapt to every and any situation. After reading the statements on Existentialism, this idea that Ms. Brey told me relates to the concept, "In life, I must make choices regardless of what’s best for others. I can only choose what’s best for me." This may sound arrogant or egocentric, but it is nevertheless true. I cannot decide what other people want, nor should I have to. If I did, free will would no longer exist. I know what I want, so I will pursue it. If others do not have the ambition to do what they feel will benefit themselves, then why should I? If I have to help them, they may want to do something that will not benefit me. Is the goal of life not to achieve a sense of pride, or accomplishment? The degree of accomplishment varies from person to person of course, but I think that's what it's all about. If everyone were to make choices to benefit others, where is the motivation to keep living for oneself? If people have nothing to live for, is then, the most authentic moment in life death? That would be the case in a world where people do not motivate and push themselves for more. Yet, that is a world I slowly and fearfully see approaching.

Quick Existentialist Thoughts

"I think, therefore I am." This is actually a quote on my wall of quotes. I sort of feel like an ignoramus for not knowing it relates to existentialism up until this class. I always had the idea that nothing ever really was pre-determined. Still, doesn't it make sense? The American Dream is all about being able to do something that you would not otherwise be able to do in another place, to rise up the social ladder, to lead a more fulfilling life. If an American believes that a poor person stays poor and a wealthy person stays wealthy, he/she seems more European than American. Besides, history tells us that rich men die homeless or poor men become world-shaping visionaries. I hate the idea of not being in control of your own life. Flashing back to the middle school, I always think of something a young boy once told me. During the scrub eighth grade superlatives, for whatever reason some persons in my classes voted me for most likely to succeed. It was ridiculous back then, but it was still interesting to see. I was befuddled. Then, when speaking to a very bright young boy (Now in BCA), he said something I was shocked to hear and will never forget. "They voted for you?" Whether he meant any harm I cannot answer, but I was shocked at how a young boy, who was supposed to be "smart," said something of that caliber. That condescending voice really made me think that I was just like the character I manipulated in my Call of Duty games; I was and am the only person in control of myself. It's interesting to think of the idea that others have an impact. They really do not. The only way they do is if you let them. As an existentialist once told me, "Screw everyone else. Do what you want."

An Echo Sonnet: To An Empty Page

In Robert Pack's poem, "An Echo Sonnet: To An Empty Page," the narrator is speaking to the reader with a desperate tone. He asks the reader what the true purpose of life is, and whether it is even worth it. He wonders if death is the sure and inevitable solution. Through the course of the poem, the speaker doubts life. In the end, it can be inferred that based off the information provided in the poem, life is a gamble, and the only way to find out whether it is worth it is for all of us to take a risk and put ourselves out there. This can be supported by the structure and literary devices in the poem.

            Pack's use of structure tells a story in itself through his use of iambic pentameter. The first quatrain begins the line of questioning between the narrator and the reader. He asks, "How from emptiness can I make a start?" (1) Here, the narrator depicts the struggles that life entails when one is born with nothing. The echo begins with 'start" and goes to "grief." This incontrovertibly asserts that the moment life starts, it will only lead to grief. The next quatrain poses the same idea. The narrator proclaims, "Leaf blooms, burns red before delighted eyes." (5) The leaf symbolizes life, blossoming and then burning suddenly; this shows the flash that life is. The third quatrain asks the reader, "Are you glad that I must end in sleep?" (9) Here, the narrator is again attempting to bombard the reader with questions to make him/her think of life's value. The echo, saying "leap," is again supporting the idea for the reader to take a leap of faith for life. The couplet, however, takes a final and firm spot on the meaning of life. The narrator says that, "I feel your calling leads me where I go," providing a now more submissive and final stance on the debate between life and death. The echoing "go" emphasizes the reader to go and experiment with life.

            Through the literary plethora in the poem, the same meaning can be derived of life being a gamble. The leaf being born and suddenly dying serves as both an allusion and a metaphor to the ancient phoenix symbol. The leaf blossoming and burning quickly relates to the myth that a phoenix would die suddenly and be reborn out of the ashes. Similarly, the cycle of life never ends; one may die, but another shall live. This supports the idea that life is always happening; why not take the risk if there is nothing to lose? The personified enemy, death, also shows the idea that because death if human like life, it is neither better nor worse than life. Again, why not choose life? The tone, in going from doubtful throughout all the quatrains to submissive and rational in the couplet, supports the different opinion that the narrator now has. He now realizes that he must choose, so why continue arguing? He ultimately chooses death, showing the prevailing nature of life over death.

            Clearly, life is something that cannot be wasted. Millions of people every day are able to enjoy their food, their families, and their lives all because they have something that is permanent: life. Life is something that is permanent in that it can never be replenished or regained; it is mortal. Death, on the other hand, is eternal. The interesting question then is: why do people want to rid themselves of the priceless value known as life?

Murder in the Cathedral

The story set forth in "Murder in the Cathedral" by T.S. Eliot depicts the inner struggle of the Archbishop Thomas Beckett as he decides whether or not to overthrow the King and estranged friend. He debates overthrowing the King because he feels that it is immorally wrong, but he also feels that not doing so would leave the thousands of people under the King's control in desperation and agony for more years to come. In deciding not to overthrow the King, Archbishop Beckett shows the human nature that people think of themselves first before anyone else. This is greatly supported throughout the text of the play.

            Pride is all that controls Beckett as he makes his decision. When Beckett arrives in Canterbury, he is soon "greeted" by four tempters. Each tempter attempts to persuade Beckett to defy his principle in unique ways. The first tells him to enter a life of pleasure, the second a life of power, the third of an overthrow of power. He stands resolute to his principles, but the fourth and final tempter makes Beckett truly question what he wants. He tells Beckett, "You wind the thread of eternal life and death." (37) By this statement, the tempter is telling Beckett that he must overthrow the King not for power, but to help the disaffected citizens as a martyr and more importantly for Beckett to thus achieve a path to heavenly glory. This type of immortal deference that he would receive, being heralded as the freer of the people, consequently brings him closest to the edge of betrayal. As the Archbishop, he already lives with a title of prominence, but he must also abide to the live of a devout Christian, i.e. of a humble and modest man. By being the modern Prometheus and "bringing light" to the people as well as becoming the King, his new reputation would far supersede that of an Archbishop. Nevertheless, he refuses to overthrow the King because he thinks of the long-term effects of betrayal. If he were to overthrow the King, his people would at first be happy of a new order, but they would soon be fearful that a sudden overthrow of power makes King Beckett a tyrant with an iron fist. Then there would likely be another coup d' etat, and King Beckett would be infamously known as the King that could not control his people. This is a risk far too great for Beckett, thus he refuses.

            When Beckett is approached by the knights in Act II, he is accused of committing treason. He speaks with them in regards to the coronation of King Henry's son, but he states that only the Pope can make amends; the power is not his. He condemns them to leave, almost embarrassed that he does not have the power to make the decision to absolve them. The knights then say that they will return with swords to the cathedral. The priests present tell him to close the doors of the cathedral to protect him. He refuses, saying, "I give my life...I command it. OPEN THE DOOR!" (74) This dramatic act of sacrificing himself to the knights for honor and valor is very symbolic of the type of character Beckett possesses. By dying by the hands of the knights, Beckett is indirectly dying by the hands of King Henry. This further supports the type of tyrant hold he has over the people of Canterbury, which they have been plagued with for years. Furthermore, by dying with open arms to the knights, he is glorifying himself almost as a Christ figure, thus saving the Pope, his fellow priests, and even all the people of Canterbury. His life is sacrificed for everyone to see so that all others may live, and for that, they will honor him forever. After his death, the chorus sings of his death as, "An instant eternity of evil and wrong...the whole world that is wholly foul," (78) further emphasizing the idea that Beckett was an honorable man, and his death is a loss to the entire world.

            Clearly, Archbishop Beckett's actions are all done in a way so as to glorify himself. He does not attack the tempters for speaking of treason, nor does he run away or kill himself when the knights say they will return for him because he would be a coward or a fool. This shrewd human nature of benefitting oneself is apparent in nature, and, more importantly, in life. A person is born alone, and at the end of one's own life, he/she dies alone. In politics, the citizens of a nation care more about improving their own nation through domestic policies than helping alien strangers in foreign politics. The question then arises: can you deny your supreme care for yourself? There are millions of starving people, yet you can eat in a restaurant. People have no homes, while you are in a heated home. When does the line for self-satisfaction end? Does it ever?

           

Sonnet 130

In William Shakespeare's "Sonnet 130," the narrator expresses his resentment for his mistress. Through the course of the poem, the narrator mocks her but ultimately admits his love for her. Thus, it is evident that, based on the information in the poem through literary devices such as allusions, similes, and metaphors, although negative ideas and words may try to sway a person, emotions ultimately guide a person's actions.

            When the narrator begins to speak, he immediately attacks his mistress, noting that,  "If snow be white, why then her breasts are dun."(3) Here, this serves as a simile and an allusion. Because in Shakespearean times white and purity were synonymous for beauty, by calling her dun, or tainted, he is calling her both impure and degraded. He continues to mock her appearance by stating that she has black wires in her head, the opposite of white and therefore the archenemy of beauty. Furthermore, this could serve as a metaphor and allusion to Medusa with her gruesome appearance and evil nature. Later on, he mocks his mistress by stating she is not a goddess for she, "treads on the ground."(12) By saying she walks on earth, she is not on Olympus. These negative ideas, however, shift in the couplet, where the narrator notes their rare love and, "As any she belied with false compare."(14) Here, he acknowledges that all the petty insults made to her are incoherent and without value; to belie, or give a false image, would be pointless because he would only be fooling himself.

            Clearly, the narrator is a bitter lover vainly trying to cope with a past breaking point in the relationship. In trying to avoid the fallout of his relationship with the mistress, he actually grows closer to her than he ever did. This poses the interesting question of whether anything truly can be considered "wrong." Humans always try to look to the bright side of a situation, thereby removing any "bad" events from existence. Thus, at the end of the day, is it possible to acknowledge that someone has done something wrong, or is it human nature to always try to prove ourselves right?

              

Quote

"I could be bounded in a nutshell, and count myself a king of infinite space, were it not that I have bad dreams." Act II, Scene ii

            I chose this quote out of the fear that there is to enter a different world. It is rather easy to stay in one's comfort zone, able to complete consistent actions flawlessly, but to enter the bigger picture is sheer lunacy to many. It particularly made me think of graduating. Some people are excited to leave the "shit hole" they call Lodi, while others are fearful to enter the adult life. Perhaps they are reluctant to leave the life of tears and joy they developed in Lodi, but perhaps it may be the fear that they may not make it in the world. Some affluent names in Lodi may be prominent in Lodi, but they have no bearing at all in a town a mere fifteen minutes away. Personally, I'm excited yet scared to enter the world. I'm excited to enter the world of college whether it be Harvard, Yale, or Rutgers and make a mark on the world; I also hope to be a person who can make it. Still, it is incontrovertible that there are people who have made millions my own age or who are internationally-ranked mathematicians. It's all sort of the big fish in a little pond concept, really.  I sometimes ask myself: How can I match up to that? I suppose you could say that that fear of not being someone in the world is my "bad dream." That's my interpretation.